You may rest easy, however, knowing that we at InTheClutch are more than qualified. We are trained and we are experts. Warren, for instance, was Student of the Month in October 1999, Josh has had his driver’s license for almost six years, and I have a certificate of completion from having attended (and passed!) a three-hour course in forklift operation.

Dan

Sean Taylor 1983-2007

“I don’t want anybody on my team that doesn’t want to be a Yankee.”

Steinbrenner also answered the question of whether there’s any chance he could change his mind. “We’re not going to back down,” he said. “It’s goodbye.”

 Hank, while you might not want a player around who doesn’t want to be there, I don’t want anyone owning my team that can’t hold their own ground during a negotiation. And what is this bullshit about not understanding the privelege? What privelege would that be? The privelege of being the best player in the game, and possibly the best ever before it’s all said and done? The privelege of moving to third base so a defensive butcher with an outsized sense of entitlement could continue to cost the team runs with his increasingly mediocre glovework? The privelege of being eviscerated in print media for hitting “just” a solo homerun in a game your team trailed by four, all the while Captain Clutch grounds into three double plays? The privelege of being booed for stats taken out of context in small sample sizes and pilloried for hitless strings of four, five, even SIX at-bats?

 Were I the best shortstop to play baseball, I would give the Steinbrenner brothers a message similar to that which my wife wore on a tshirt earlier in the year.

 Dan

I don’t care.

I really don’t. I don’t know Barry personally. Hell, I’ve never met him, had him sign a baseball, never. For 15 season he was the face and undoubtedly the best player on my favorite team. And during that time, he put up some amazing numbers, and created more drama than TNT and the girls you knew in high school combined. He was one hell of a ballplayer to watch, and he did his job… he entertained the hell out of me, San Francisco, and at times, the entire world.

But In The Clutch readers, he’s not a ball-player anymore. And I don’t care if he did or didn’t take steroids when he was playing. I could go on for so long weighing out the different pieces of the Bonds saga, but is it really worth it?

I know that Barry hit 762 home runs. If they want to take the record away, or throw an asterisk next to it to make themselves feel good, feel justified, feel like they are being proactive and actually helping the situation, I say go ahead. I don’t care, because I know what actually did happen, and I saw it on many occasions.

What matters is that what’s done is done.  I have no stake in Barry’s future, no vested interest.  I’m not a family member or a friend.  I’m just a fan of what he has done.  And as far as what is coming for Barry Bonds… I just don’t care.

Warren

The response that I assume was provided by the attendant went something like “yea, I know who you are, aren’t you that guy who got into a lot of trouble off the football field and was suspended for half a season for being a dumbass?” Look, I hate paying for parking as much as the next person, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Also, shouldn’t a professional athlete such as Chris Henry be able to pay a $5 parking fee without thinking twice? I’m going to register a guess here that the SUV that was being parked had tricked out rims, maybe an Xbox 360 and a couple of screens, and some tinted windows. Are you telling me that paying for parking is such a financial burden on you that you should be able to pull the don’t-you-know-who-I-am card? Oh and by the way, note to Chris Henry, if you have to pull that card, it will get you nowhere. Either the attendant doesn’t know who you are, which means that you are not big enough to get free parking wherever you go, or he knows who you are but doesn’t care and isn’t going to let you off of the parking fee anyway.

And you want to talk about old habits dying hard, I guess the whole “not showing respect for anyone” habit hasn’t died for Henry. When you become a player in a major sporting league, you become a representative for that league. People associate things that you do with the reputation of that league, and that sport as a whole. Throwing a $5 bill on the ground and telling someone to pick it up shows a gross lack of respect. Henry was just trying to make the attendant feel like dirt, which is apparently what he thinks of his teammates and coaches, the NFL at large, and all of the fans who watch the NFL. The man has no dignity, he has no respect. And you want to talk about showing no respect to the man who suspended you, how about his response when he was asked about what he learned from the suspension… “I’ve been sitting back and going through this little stuff, my little suspension or whatever, and I’ve had a lot of time to sit down and think about everything.” Excuse me, you’re “little suspension or whatever?” You got suspended for half a season! This was not a “little suspension.” This was a big motherf***ing deal and you seemed to take it as nothing but a slap on the wrist.

Here’s my suggestion to Commissioner Goodell. The entire reason that you suspended this guy in the first place was that by breaking the law, multiple times, he showed no respect for his team, your league, or the game of football. The suspension was there to show him that he needs to gain a little thing that many people have (and unfortunately many others lack) called “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” (props to Otis Redding and Aretha Franklin). By attempting to pull the don’t-you-know-who-I-am card and throwing a $5 bill at the feet of an attendant and expecting him to pick it up, aaaaand by calling his half a season suspension just “a little suspension or whatever,” Chris Henry has shown that he is not worthy of being a somebody, an anybody, and much less, a player in the NFL.

Warren

Back to Shula’s comments however. Don Shula stated that these Patriots, the winners of XL.5, the members of the greatest team of all time, may be tainted. Yes folks, he’s talking about Spygate. I thought we were past it. Belichick was fined, the Patriots were fined, they lost a draft pick, and they were given a 9 game winning streak. Seems like a good deal to me. To borrow a phrase from Ron Popeil, but wait, there’s more! Don Shula claims that if these Patriots, the greatest team to ever take the field, go undefeated, their record should be stained with an asterisk. Yes folks, the dread asterisk. Now I believe the asterisk has no place in sports (a la Barry Bonds).

Quick aside: the paragon of virtue known as Tony Dungy recently compared Bill Belichick to Barry Bonds. I don’t really see the comparison however. One is suspected of cheating the game in order to take one of the greatest records in American sports, the other is known to have cheated the game in order to take one of the greatest records in American sports. I’ve heard some say if they were Bill Belichick they’d be upset about being likened to Barry Bonds, but if I were Bonds, I’d be upset about someone comparing me to Belichick, a known cheater.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming: Now I believe the asterisk has no place in sports. It was used to defame Roger Maris, an all around nice guy who happened to have the best season of his life in 162 games, not 154. It will be used to defame Barry Bonds, a man, who no matter how much some love to say he is a cheater, has never been caught cheating. The Patriots were caught cheating however. They were proven to have done some wrong. And how were they punished? They were given a 9-game winning streak. The NFL quietly swept the scandal under the rug. I commend Don Shula for questioning what happened with this incident. We need answers. It seems like the NFL is controlled by those with vested interest in the matter. Maybe it will take someone who has vested interest in the matter to get some answers.

Josh

C- Josh Bard. I don’t understand the hate for this guy. Bard is a solid if unspectacular offensive catcher, and plays a decent defense. Would-be basestealers are making him look awful, but when taken in the context of the coaching philosophy of this team (not to mention the Trachsel-esque slow deliveries of Maddux and C.Young), opponents are going to steal on the Padres. That’s simply the way it is. With Sandy Alomar out there we’d still allow ridiculous sb%. The midseason trade for Michael Barrett was unnecessary, and the end-season numbers reflect that. The average NL catcher hit to the line of .257/.318/.394. Bard swung .285/.364/.404 while Barrett, with a reputation of being an offense-first catcher (id est, crazy masher at the plate, liability behind it. See Posada, Jorge) may well have been carrying rolled-up newspaper in lieu of ash or maple, as evinced by his Molina-Brother triumvirate of .225/.236/.286. Take a look at the numbers and you’ll realize that Bard is actually the second-best catcher in the National League. Leave him be and give him 135 starts at the dish.

1B- Adrian Gonzalez. Posting an OPS of .849 last year, AG led the team in homeruns, RsBI, and sabor, while placing second in walks. He plays a great first base and is left-handed to boot. Cost-controlled through 2011, Gonzalez is the first baseman of this franchise for the forseeable future.

2B- Gaping Hole. Maybe Blum is the answer. Maybe it’s Kaz Matsui. What we do know, however, is that it is NOT Marcus Giles. While sucking up over 400 at bats last season, the more overrated Giles finished with 91 pitchers ahead of him on the VORP list, including American League guys like Johan Santana and his 8 PA.

SS- Khalil Greene. Spicoli is finally starting to come into his own as a hitter, and he’s always been a valuable glove at short. Perhaps Wally Joyner can talk him into taking a fastball at eye-level, but other than that leave the kid be. There are more important things in this world than batting average.

3B- Kevin Kouzmanoff. The Crushin’ Russian is actually favorably comparable to contemporaries Chone Figgins, Garrett Atkins, Ryan Zimmerman and Adrian Beltre. Unless Sandy Alderson feels inclined to enter into the A-Rod Market, Kouz is safe here and should only get better with another season under his belt.

LF- Milton Bradley. Seriously, Milton Bradley, please. Even if you have to spot-start Scott Hairston or Terrmel Sledge until June when Bradley’s knee is healthy, the Padres need to retain Milton Bradley. Bradly out-EqA’d the league-average left fielder by 63 points. A 63-point difference in EqA is approximately the drop-off between Chase Utley and Orlando Hudson. Two months of league-average production followed by a stretch run of Milton Bradley is better than any other option out there that will genuinely work for the Padres.

 CF- Mike Cameron. For the same reason that the Milton Bradley deal works, so works the Cameron situation. You also get the added bonus of Cameron coming at something of a discount, both by extension (not allowing him to test free agent waters and get himself into a bidding war) and the PED suspension forcing him to miss April. Cameron’s speed and range is essential to the cavernous outfields of the NL west, and his experience with the odd winds in Petco will save this pitching staff runs by the barrel.

RF- Brian Giles. The other Giles brother we’re just going to have to grow accustomed-to. His power numbers have dropped off a cliff, but he still gets on base like a leadoff hitter should. Leadoff hitters don’t usually have 4o-hr seasons in their past, but this one does, and his contract doesn’t really give us much wiggle room. Perhaps a deal can be made with Philly or Cincy, in whose bandboxes Brian can actually clear the fences,  but for the meantime Padres fans are just going to have to grin and bear it.

 Hopefully I’ll get around to writing about the pitching side tomorrow, though no changes are really necessary other than Buddy Black coming to the realization that Trevor Hoffman is no longer his premiere bullpen man, and might not even be in the top 3.

Dan

The main problem is the current ranking system we have today. I’m not the first person to gripe about it and I sure as hell won’t be the last. First of all we have multiple polling systems. AP, ESPN/USA Today, Harris, BCS. There’s just too damn many to keep track of. The next problem is who’s is more valid? Do the press know more about football than coaches? No. So toss the AP. I’ll take the USA Today coaches poll. Wait. How objective is that poll? Try not at all. Steve Spurrier has voted Duke #25 in the coaches poll ever since he left to coach Florida. In the past 3 seasons they are a combined 2-30. Guess we can toss out the validity of that poll. What about the BCS though? They combine all the polls along with a computer system that is supposed to be unbiased. How about 2004 when there were 4 undefeated teams going in to the final bowl week? How does one decide which 2 undefeated teams get to play against each other for the title? 2 teams are ultimately shafted.

The college football system puts too much emphasis on being perfect and not enough emphasis on getting it right. Because #2 BC lost this weekend they are pretty much out of it national championship wise. One loss means they’re done. Why? Because they play in the ACC. Teams are punished for the conference they play in. I hope that before I die, the NCAA can see past the money and actually crown a true college football champion. Until then I’ll just keep perusing the BS, I mean BCS, standings.

Josh

Now I must admit, upon hearing this I feel that I’m missing something very important in all of this. Because there has to be a good reason for Smith Center going for two every single time. Here’s what smells fishy to me. First is the fact that Plainville (repeat earlier joke again) coach John Petrie was completely O.K. with the two point conversions. I feel like must be the case because Petrie and Barta are friends or something to that of that ilk. Second, you look at a possibility of why Smith Center was going for two from an inverse perspective. Perhaps their team was lacking any players in possession of three things: a foot, a leg, and the ability to swing the combination of the first two in a forward direction, and was therefore unable to kick an extra point. But then you look at the box score of the game and realize that in the 3rd quarter, Smith Center kicked a field goal to put up their final insurance points. So they obviously had someone capable of going for one, but instead Barta put up the two fingers, even when his team scored their 2nd quarter touchdown while already up 72-0. So again, I feel like considering the reaction of the Plainville coach and the fact that Smith Center had a kicker, there has to be something I’m missing here, right?

Right??

Well, assuming that I’m not missing anything, this is completely outrageous, and I don’t think I need to explain my reasoning there. It seems to me like this is just a case of an overzealous High School Football coach getting way too wrapped up in the moment of his crucial, earth-shattering, playoff game. Oh by the way, did I mention that Barta is himself a graduate of Plainville High School? (I’ll make the joke for you this time) I guess when you come from a place as exciting as Plainville, Kansas, putting up two fingers is probably twice as Page 1 newsworthy as putting up just the one.

Warren

In the International League, where the Mud Hens play twenty less games than the New York Yankees do per season, each game means that much more. We all know how well A-Rod hits when the pressure is on (you already forget about that .267/1/1?). I wouldn’t want to pay A-Rod a bunch of guaranteed money only to have him flounder when it matters. The Mud Hens are a championship caliber team, having won the International League in ’05 and ’06. The last time a team A-Rod was on won a playoff series was 2004, an eternity in a what have you done for me lately sport.

So as you can see, it might not be in the best interest of the Mud Hens to acquire Rodriguez, especially when they already have the 3B spot filled by International League MVP, Mike Hessman. Why sign a player who most see as MVP but who hasn’t yet won the award for this past season when you already have a player signed, in that position, and who has been awarded the MVP award? If I was in the Mud Hen front office, I’d be re-thinking the offer to A-Rod or hoping that some idiot in another front office offered him a contract with a lot of money up front.

Josh